Wednesday, October 26, 2011
So here it goes the good the bad and the ugly!
I collapsed with no feeling unable to use any of my limbs...nothing would move I was basically paralyzed. I could talk and boy did I talk...it was hard because my face would swell and it hurt to open my eyes and I could only see out 2 little slits for my eyes...what do you think of when you are down there basically a blob on the floor...wow I can't move...WTF is up with this. I would go in out and it got harder and harder to talk to Jeff. I had songs going through my head. Yes, I have a soundtrack in my head. I saw this ugly green carpet. I kept yelling why aren't you taking me to the hospital? The EMTs were asking me questions...like my name the date what drugs I take etc...am I pregnant...I said f'ing no..lol who cares if I am pregnant...just get me to the hospital so I can move again...well other things going on is I feel as if I am outside of my body looking in...sort of like seeing my self in 3rd person. I remember going out one time and I felt that it was it...I was dying..I said I love you Jeff, please tell my daddy and Junior and the kids etc that I love them...I remember saying I am going Jeff...he would call my name. He says I was never out for very long...I didn't see the light or anything like that but I did feel as if I was not alone in that darkness...I actually came to and remember yelling and cursing worse than a sailor. I sounded just like my mother when she was mad. I remember when they picked me up under my armpits I was behind myself seeing them pick me up as if I was a piece of meat or a dead animal..I felt so violated or what is the word...no dignity..I was in my night shirt with my ass hanging out...at least I wore the granny underwear and not a thong...that would have been ugly...they loaded me in a chair thing like you would hang a deer from because the stretcher wouldn't come up the stairs...I kept my eyes closed because it hurt so much to open them. I remember feeling mama with me...I felt her every time I opened my mouth...loud things would be yelled at everyone..I kept thinking will I ever walk will I move again...it was crazy.
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Blood Sugar
So I have to test my blood sugar 4 times a day while on the steroids...no biggee. I test before every meal and bedtime...usually I am ok in the morning and only need insulin at lunchtime and dinner time...and sometimes before I go to bed with all my other meds. While I was the hospital all my blood sugars were up in the 300's, well no wonder they fed me nothing but cake and lots of really good mashed potatoes lol.
Not to mention the sugar etc I put in my coffee every meal...If you are a Chandler you like your coffee...So, today I test my blood sugar on my lunch before I go heat it up and is 330...GOOD Grief...it says take 10 units and call the doctor for that reading..well I call Jeff who made me take it 2 different times on each hand and came up with an average of 137-140...how can it be so different in 3 minutes time...I think I may need to get the meter checked out.
Today, I feel like day old crap from the litterbox I scooped this morning. Sorry for the graphics there but if you saw our litterbox with 4 cats everyday you would understand...lol
I got up feeling bad..the right side of my body would not wake up or move very well. Did I say getting dressed with numb feet, arms and hands is hard..not to mention getting shoes on and trying to take your meds and get everything together so you can leave early enough to have an easier drive in the traffic.
It has not gotten any better but I will muddle through. Work and concentration helps me these days. The work on the computer helps me everyday as well as the interaction with my co workers..they are my saving grace some days and they don't even know it. A smile or a kind word goes a long way for someone who feels like day old cat poo...I do love my job but I love how walking in here on that first Monday back felt to me after getting out of the hospital. My arms were all bruised up from them trying to find a vein that would cooperate but I didn't care. Walking through those doors and seeing my office again was wonderful. That is why when I got the you do this or that attitude late Friday, I cracked. I cried all the way home. Jeff almost took me to the hospital because I got so bad. My right arm gets worse if I get upset. It is so hard to stay upbeat when people want to bring you down.
Through all this I have reconnected with some very important people in my life and they know who they are and how much I love and care for them and that never changed in all these years....never go to bed angry and always tell the people you care about the most what they mean to you..because one day you may be laying on your hotel room floor unable to move and you go in and out...you see you and your body in third person and you tell you spouse how much you love them and tell them to tell your daddy and your brother how much you love them and then you pass out for a few minutes each time and then you hear SWEETIE...and you come back out of it..of course your mouth and eyes are all dried and frozen shut and you finally can talk and you yell out obscentites...like F**K and so on enough to embarass your husband...then you realize it was your mother who slapped you and made you say those unfiltered curse words...thank you mama!
Not to mention the sugar etc I put in my coffee every meal...If you are a Chandler you like your coffee...So, today I test my blood sugar on my lunch before I go heat it up and is 330...GOOD Grief...it says take 10 units and call the doctor for that reading..well I call Jeff who made me take it 2 different times on each hand and came up with an average of 137-140...how can it be so different in 3 minutes time...I think I may need to get the meter checked out.
Today, I feel like day old crap from the litterbox I scooped this morning. Sorry for the graphics there but if you saw our litterbox with 4 cats everyday you would understand...lol
I got up feeling bad..the right side of my body would not wake up or move very well. Did I say getting dressed with numb feet, arms and hands is hard..not to mention getting shoes on and trying to take your meds and get everything together so you can leave early enough to have an easier drive in the traffic.
It has not gotten any better but I will muddle through. Work and concentration helps me these days. The work on the computer helps me everyday as well as the interaction with my co workers..they are my saving grace some days and they don't even know it. A smile or a kind word goes a long way for someone who feels like day old cat poo...I do love my job but I love how walking in here on that first Monday back felt to me after getting out of the hospital. My arms were all bruised up from them trying to find a vein that would cooperate but I didn't care. Walking through those doors and seeing my office again was wonderful. That is why when I got the you do this or that attitude late Friday, I cracked. I cried all the way home. Jeff almost took me to the hospital because I got so bad. My right arm gets worse if I get upset. It is so hard to stay upbeat when people want to bring you down.
Through all this I have reconnected with some very important people in my life and they know who they are and how much I love and care for them and that never changed in all these years....never go to bed angry and always tell the people you care about the most what they mean to you..because one day you may be laying on your hotel room floor unable to move and you go in and out...you see you and your body in third person and you tell you spouse how much you love them and tell them to tell your daddy and your brother how much you love them and then you pass out for a few minutes each time and then you hear SWEETIE...and you come back out of it..of course your mouth and eyes are all dried and frozen shut and you finally can talk and you yell out obscentites...like F**K and so on enough to embarass your husband...then you realize it was your mother who slapped you and made you say those unfiltered curse words...thank you mama!
About me...This is a note I wrote after receiving the first MRI results over the weekend
Well,I started up my blog today so I thought I would share a little note about me and my life right now that I wrote on September 17, 2011 they day I got the news and over that weekend but never posted on Facebook or on the blog I started in 2009.....Here it goes...about 2 months ago, I had my usual monthly esphopagael spasm flair up with a little arm pain and chest pain as usual...but then I had worse arm pain..a burning numbing feeling. It was time to see my gastro doctor in a few days so I alerted him to it...I had no other symptoms of stroke etc but felt he would help me if needed. He said because my chest was in pain it would make my arm hurt and so on...I got better few weeks later and all was fine until just before Labor Day...I got up to a right arm fully engulfed in burning pain and couldn't even touch it. It was numb as well...the next morning the hand went numb....I was going to see Daddy in Virginia in a few days and nothing would stop me...so I decided maybe the rest would help and it did somewhat but I struggled while gone...didn't even fly with the camera or laptop which is not me because I am the well travelled geek thanks to the hubby, I stay connected lol. I took the ipad and phone...lol I didn't want have to carry all that through the airport as I always do. Besides I have to not take a purse and use the camera bag and laptop bag as purse and carry on. My camera bag is quite large. I really need to break that down.
Anyway, Daddy has been pretty sick. He has the port in for his dialysis but still has good enough numbers not to need it yet. Also, for you who do not know Mr. Tommy Chandler is an insulin dependent diabetic. He is on I believe his 2nd or 3rd insulin pump. These pumps saved his life. His pancreas produces no insulin and he needs the constant influx of insulin every half hour in his system to keep his blood sugar normal. The only problem is if you work to hard as he does you must keep your sugar up and take your blood sugar often. He is now advised to take it upon any driving or anything he does.
I got there and he was carrying enough fluid to stop a truck. Daddy is a small man and 30 lbs of fluid were enough to change his total look. I really got worried that Saturday when I walked in to the house. We sat and ate and talked and giggled with my Aunt and Uncle. they left and he had another visit from another Aunt and Uncle....My family has really pulled together for him and I never really thought how much his brother and sister's really love him...he was there for them for their times of need growing up and starting out right alongside their Daddy Al Lankford. Everything, was built and done by family or friends to give all of our families the start up we needed...not sure where we would all be if my Grandmama hadn't married him all those years ago when she had 5 kids to raise...He was only 21 and took on 5 kids from 13 on down...then had 3 more! I guess they all helped one another. One of my Aunts who is closer to mine and Junior's age has been seeing to Daddy's needs as far as his health etc. This is something she does out of love for my father and my mother. Yes, Mama is gone but she credits alot of who she is today to my mother. Who as young wife took my aunt everywhere as child and a teenager. She said I learned how to do things from her, clean and take care of kids by taking care of you and that helped me in the long run. She does this for some of our family including my grandfather and her daddy. She also does it for many members of her congregation and took care of her mother in law until her death and now sees to he father in law...we are very blessed to have her..
Ok, so back to me. I came back and went straight back to work and went to the ER on that Monday night. I had a CT scan and chest xray and all seemed normal. They advised me to go my doctor and get an MRI scheduled as soon as possible. I made the call on my return to work on Tuesday. I was told by the doctor to go to a physical medicine specialist in their office. I got right in that day and she really thought, I had a pinched nerve. I was set up for the MRI of my spine with contrast for the next day. No biggee, not like I had a bunch of those before...LOL
I did notice the machine was much noiser than previous ones and since they were doing my spine that there were way more tests to stay still for. No headphones or music though...just ear plugs. My legs didn't want to stay still. They jump quite a bit these days so it was hard to stay put...I did it though. I mean where are you going to go..
So, that was Wednesday and I had my follow up with my doctor the following Monday so my results would be in. I was already on a nerve pain med and a steriod that was helping so I could last. The trouble was I was not doing to well with a numb right hand. I work hard all day on the computer and data entry etc...so this was going to be tough. I have lost all feelling in my thumb, index finger and middle finger. I have caught myself not realizing my finger was not doing what it was supposed to...that was so weird..I am putting the top up on Gracie and my hand came off the button and I didn't know it...I sat there dumbfounded. Why the hell won't the top go up on the dang car. thank goodness it stops and tells you on your radio...that the top is stopped. I have done that twice. I still have strength but don't trust my hand very well.
Well, I go about my week as usual. Work and work...then come Saturday. We decide the commissary at Whiteman AFB is having a case sale and we need to go check it out. We have 2 commissaries we can use and that is very convenient and the drive to Whiteman from our new home is wonderful..lots of country. We decide to stop to eat at Sandy's, a little cafe in town on our way out of town. Her breakfast is wonderful.
I since coming home have been hooked to my phone. I usually use it all week for everything including facebook etc but come the weekend...I just let it die in my purse. I am or was such bad phone person. People would text me over the weekend or call me and miss me...but for some reason I decided to keep it more charged and with me upon my return. I was worried about daddy and I am sure that is why. He looked better when I left and had worked outside a bit the day before I left. I also was getting texts from my aunt etc. I even took the darn thing upstairs to bed...I never do that unless I am out of town. Good thing I did...I got calls from Daddy late Friday night because he had missed my call the night before. All was fine and I think he wanted to just talk...hmmm that was a nice call.
So, when we got to the restaurant planning the day eating our breakfast, I couldn't even hold my coffee cup with my right hand. Geesh, so I switched to the left and went on with my time with Jeff...all of a sudden my phone rang..who the heck calls me on a Saturday...lol I mean seriuously if I don't know the number I don't answer...lol But given my new I need to stay on top of my calls and my phone, I decided to answer it. It was a local Kansas number probably up by my work or even my boss. I couldn't remember her number....well surprise, surprise...It was my new doctor Alicia Hilman calling me at 8 am..."hi, Marlo, How are you doing"...."I am fine".. " I am in a litte pain and numbness when I do anything with my right hand..." OK long pause....well not that long but something you don't want to hear...and seriously I was treating this as a social call..OMG I finally said "is there something wrong"...she said "I want to know if you can come see me today"...when I asked..."anytime I am here at the office"...."OK we can be there in 30 minutes.."...dumb me we were at least 40 minutes away lol She was was at her office up by my work in Leawood, Kansas...so we rode over there worrying the whole way. Jeff was as white as ghost. I tried to keep it light but what do you do...Anyway, still it has not dawned on me...It is freaking SATURDAY what the heck is my doctor doing at work. My doctor's office runs an urgent care part of the office on Saturday as well so maybe she was working that today...no only primary doctors there man that for the day...hmmm
so, we get there I go to the urgent care side cause the regular care side is closed...The girl says ok I will let Dr. Hillman know you are here..i am surprised I can remember her name. I have an excellent memory but for months it has been going...I can't remember names or names of items and call the microwave the fridge etc...MY mind is gone. I search endlessly for words when I speak...I am a Chandler...how can I not know how to speak..this has been plaguing me for longer than months but I have been hiding it. I am very good at these things and this was a weakness I saw and was afraid I was getting a little crazy or something. It scared me..
so, back to the doctors office...She paged her and told me they would take me on the urgent care side because they had a power issue...not all their lights came on that morning. The nurse that worked for Dr. Hillman came out...why the heck was she working...didn't dawn on me...HEY they came in for you...I am pretty dense. She said sorry we are going to take you to the dark side because the screen over here is still working..so if you don't mind walking in the dark..me nope I love to walk in dark..LOL What was I gonna say...I am not going in that dark back office...hehe
we rounded the corner and low and behold there was at least a 80 inch screen with my spine cut right down the middle...hmmmm this was going to get interesting. She went into what it was showed me a plaque lit up and measured on my neck part of my spine. We think the right side...she explained that this was indicative of Multiple Schlerosis...MS...hmmmm havent' hear that one in 24 plus years...I was not shocked. I kind of took it well and I explained. 24 plus years ago while living in Japan on Misawa AFB I was sent to a neurologist for the same issue but on my left side. Nothing was ever found and I was told at that time that one day I may be told I have MS. i was 20-21 years old and decided to move on with my life...I just said I was not going to live waiting for the diagnosis and I didn't. I got pregnant again and lost it but it was all fine. I just had to live my life. Off and on over the years, I always had left sided numbness...I dealt with it and went but it was never that bad or as bad as the right side is now. I just worked through it. I had checkups and MRI's over the years when needed and never had anything show up until now. My recent hospitalization 2 years ago for the chest pain and finally found the esphophagael spasms never showed anything even though my left side was numb. If I got sick over the years...my left side went numb...even for my emergency appendectomy it went numb...it was just something I got used to.
So, there it is...I have MS. I have been told pretty sure I do and I have read my MRI report. Dr. Hilman set me up for a brain MRI that day on the spot and spoke to a leading neurologist that I am waiting to get into to see hopefully next week. I have to call and try to bully my way in to see him next week...I waited this week and I have decided not to wait to long next week. I just need the formal diagnosis..the MRI of the brain was fine...she called me later in the day Saturday from her home to tell me they didn't see any plaques on my brain...so at least it was just in one place and yes doctors do work on Saturdays and care... :)
so there it is I have been sitting on this for week today. That was a hard thing to keep down...lol
I have told a few people at my job because it is so blatlantly obvious that I am in some kind of pain and distress...I move very slow now...I don't do slow...MY nickname at Mcdonald's for years was TAZ and I still will run you over coming out of my office on a good day...lol I got things to do...LOL
So, a few have noticed and asked me and I decided not to lie or scare anyone. I think if I am open and tell my story that it may help someone else...I did the same with my thyroid tumor surgery although benign I didn't hide the possibility of it being cancer because I didn't know until they removed the tumor whether it was benign or not. I just didn't think of it as some secret I wanted to keep...I only now know many of my familiy's health scares over the last 40 years...not my immediate..I know all that but my aunt's, uncles and grandparent's history. It took 40 years to know this...maybe it could have helped some of us...who knows..so that is why I have decided to be open about it all.
Once I know more I will put more out there...I may start my blog up again and see where that goes. All the writing and getting it out helps me. I get that from my mama, She journaled and used a diary most of her life. It was very good for her. I guess I get it from her.
I did tell my father last night and he seemed to take it well..I worried about telling him but I didn't not want him to know. I think I draw my strength through my father and my mother. No matter what they always pressed on and part of the reason my father has lived longer than anyone is expected is because he doesn't stop and never gives up. He does so well with with diabetes screening everyday that his records are used to train new doctors and nurses on the pump and that anyone can manage it. His diabetes clinic has benefited from my father's diabetes and possibly has helped others...which is more than anyone could ask for. I hope that my health and struggles helps another person along the way. don't be scared just because you got sick or you need something...embrace it and move on. Life is way to short to worry....
Anyway, Daddy has been pretty sick. He has the port in for his dialysis but still has good enough numbers not to need it yet. Also, for you who do not know Mr. Tommy Chandler is an insulin dependent diabetic. He is on I believe his 2nd or 3rd insulin pump. These pumps saved his life. His pancreas produces no insulin and he needs the constant influx of insulin every half hour in his system to keep his blood sugar normal. The only problem is if you work to hard as he does you must keep your sugar up and take your blood sugar often. He is now advised to take it upon any driving or anything he does.
I got there and he was carrying enough fluid to stop a truck. Daddy is a small man and 30 lbs of fluid were enough to change his total look. I really got worried that Saturday when I walked in to the house. We sat and ate and talked and giggled with my Aunt and Uncle. they left and he had another visit from another Aunt and Uncle....My family has really pulled together for him and I never really thought how much his brother and sister's really love him...he was there for them for their times of need growing up and starting out right alongside their Daddy Al Lankford. Everything, was built and done by family or friends to give all of our families the start up we needed...not sure where we would all be if my Grandmama hadn't married him all those years ago when she had 5 kids to raise...He was only 21 and took on 5 kids from 13 on down...then had 3 more! I guess they all helped one another. One of my Aunts who is closer to mine and Junior's age has been seeing to Daddy's needs as far as his health etc. This is something she does out of love for my father and my mother. Yes, Mama is gone but she credits alot of who she is today to my mother. Who as young wife took my aunt everywhere as child and a teenager. She said I learned how to do things from her, clean and take care of kids by taking care of you and that helped me in the long run. She does this for some of our family including my grandfather and her daddy. She also does it for many members of her congregation and took care of her mother in law until her death and now sees to he father in law...we are very blessed to have her..
Ok, so back to me. I came back and went straight back to work and went to the ER on that Monday night. I had a CT scan and chest xray and all seemed normal. They advised me to go my doctor and get an MRI scheduled as soon as possible. I made the call on my return to work on Tuesday. I was told by the doctor to go to a physical medicine specialist in their office. I got right in that day and she really thought, I had a pinched nerve. I was set up for the MRI of my spine with contrast for the next day. No biggee, not like I had a bunch of those before...LOL
I did notice the machine was much noiser than previous ones and since they were doing my spine that there were way more tests to stay still for. No headphones or music though...just ear plugs. My legs didn't want to stay still. They jump quite a bit these days so it was hard to stay put...I did it though. I mean where are you going to go..
So, that was Wednesday and I had my follow up with my doctor the following Monday so my results would be in. I was already on a nerve pain med and a steriod that was helping so I could last. The trouble was I was not doing to well with a numb right hand. I work hard all day on the computer and data entry etc...so this was going to be tough. I have lost all feelling in my thumb, index finger and middle finger. I have caught myself not realizing my finger was not doing what it was supposed to...that was so weird..I am putting the top up on Gracie and my hand came off the button and I didn't know it...I sat there dumbfounded. Why the hell won't the top go up on the dang car. thank goodness it stops and tells you on your radio...that the top is stopped. I have done that twice. I still have strength but don't trust my hand very well.
Well, I go about my week as usual. Work and work...then come Saturday. We decide the commissary at Whiteman AFB is having a case sale and we need to go check it out. We have 2 commissaries we can use and that is very convenient and the drive to Whiteman from our new home is wonderful..lots of country. We decide to stop to eat at Sandy's, a little cafe in town on our way out of town. Her breakfast is wonderful.
I since coming home have been hooked to my phone. I usually use it all week for everything including facebook etc but come the weekend...I just let it die in my purse. I am or was such bad phone person. People would text me over the weekend or call me and miss me...but for some reason I decided to keep it more charged and with me upon my return. I was worried about daddy and I am sure that is why. He looked better when I left and had worked outside a bit the day before I left. I also was getting texts from my aunt etc. I even took the darn thing upstairs to bed...I never do that unless I am out of town. Good thing I did...I got calls from Daddy late Friday night because he had missed my call the night before. All was fine and I think he wanted to just talk...hmmm that was a nice call.
So, when we got to the restaurant planning the day eating our breakfast, I couldn't even hold my coffee cup with my right hand. Geesh, so I switched to the left and went on with my time with Jeff...all of a sudden my phone rang..who the heck calls me on a Saturday...lol I mean seriuously if I don't know the number I don't answer...lol But given my new I need to stay on top of my calls and my phone, I decided to answer it. It was a local Kansas number probably up by my work or even my boss. I couldn't remember her number....well surprise, surprise...It was my new doctor Alicia Hilman calling me at 8 am..."hi, Marlo, How are you doing"...."I am fine".. " I am in a litte pain and numbness when I do anything with my right hand..." OK long pause....well not that long but something you don't want to hear...and seriously I was treating this as a social call..OMG I finally said "is there something wrong"...she said "I want to know if you can come see me today"...when I asked..."anytime I am here at the office"...."OK we can be there in 30 minutes.."...dumb me we were at least 40 minutes away lol She was was at her office up by my work in Leawood, Kansas...so we rode over there worrying the whole way. Jeff was as white as ghost. I tried to keep it light but what do you do...Anyway, still it has not dawned on me...It is freaking SATURDAY what the heck is my doctor doing at work. My doctor's office runs an urgent care part of the office on Saturday as well so maybe she was working that today...no only primary doctors there man that for the day...hmmm
so, we get there I go to the urgent care side cause the regular care side is closed...The girl says ok I will let Dr. Hillman know you are here..i am surprised I can remember her name. I have an excellent memory but for months it has been going...I can't remember names or names of items and call the microwave the fridge etc...MY mind is gone. I search endlessly for words when I speak...I am a Chandler...how can I not know how to speak..this has been plaguing me for longer than months but I have been hiding it. I am very good at these things and this was a weakness I saw and was afraid I was getting a little crazy or something. It scared me..
so, back to the doctors office...She paged her and told me they would take me on the urgent care side because they had a power issue...not all their lights came on that morning. The nurse that worked for Dr. Hillman came out...why the heck was she working...didn't dawn on me...HEY they came in for you...I am pretty dense. She said sorry we are going to take you to the dark side because the screen over here is still working..so if you don't mind walking in the dark..me nope I love to walk in dark..LOL What was I gonna say...I am not going in that dark back office...hehe
we rounded the corner and low and behold there was at least a 80 inch screen with my spine cut right down the middle...hmmmm this was going to get interesting. She went into what it was showed me a plaque lit up and measured on my neck part of my spine. We think the right side...she explained that this was indicative of Multiple Schlerosis...MS...hmmmm havent' hear that one in 24 plus years...I was not shocked. I kind of took it well and I explained. 24 plus years ago while living in Japan on Misawa AFB I was sent to a neurologist for the same issue but on my left side. Nothing was ever found and I was told at that time that one day I may be told I have MS. i was 20-21 years old and decided to move on with my life...I just said I was not going to live waiting for the diagnosis and I didn't. I got pregnant again and lost it but it was all fine. I just had to live my life. Off and on over the years, I always had left sided numbness...I dealt with it and went but it was never that bad or as bad as the right side is now. I just worked through it. I had checkups and MRI's over the years when needed and never had anything show up until now. My recent hospitalization 2 years ago for the chest pain and finally found the esphophagael spasms never showed anything even though my left side was numb. If I got sick over the years...my left side went numb...even for my emergency appendectomy it went numb...it was just something I got used to.
So, there it is...I have MS. I have been told pretty sure I do and I have read my MRI report. Dr. Hilman set me up for a brain MRI that day on the spot and spoke to a leading neurologist that I am waiting to get into to see hopefully next week. I have to call and try to bully my way in to see him next week...I waited this week and I have decided not to wait to long next week. I just need the formal diagnosis..the MRI of the brain was fine...she called me later in the day Saturday from her home to tell me they didn't see any plaques on my brain...so at least it was just in one place and yes doctors do work on Saturdays and care... :)
so there it is I have been sitting on this for week today. That was a hard thing to keep down...lol
I have told a few people at my job because it is so blatlantly obvious that I am in some kind of pain and distress...I move very slow now...I don't do slow...MY nickname at Mcdonald's for years was TAZ and I still will run you over coming out of my office on a good day...lol I got things to do...LOL
So, a few have noticed and asked me and I decided not to lie or scare anyone. I think if I am open and tell my story that it may help someone else...I did the same with my thyroid tumor surgery although benign I didn't hide the possibility of it being cancer because I didn't know until they removed the tumor whether it was benign or not. I just didn't think of it as some secret I wanted to keep...I only now know many of my familiy's health scares over the last 40 years...not my immediate..I know all that but my aunt's, uncles and grandparent's history. It took 40 years to know this...maybe it could have helped some of us...who knows..so that is why I have decided to be open about it all.
Once I know more I will put more out there...I may start my blog up again and see where that goes. All the writing and getting it out helps me. I get that from my mama, She journaled and used a diary most of her life. It was very good for her. I guess I get it from her.
I did tell my father last night and he seemed to take it well..I worried about telling him but I didn't not want him to know. I think I draw my strength through my father and my mother. No matter what they always pressed on and part of the reason my father has lived longer than anyone is expected is because he doesn't stop and never gives up. He does so well with with diabetes screening everyday that his records are used to train new doctors and nurses on the pump and that anyone can manage it. His diabetes clinic has benefited from my father's diabetes and possibly has helped others...which is more than anyone could ask for. I hope that my health and struggles helps another person along the way. don't be scared just because you got sick or you need something...embrace it and move on. Life is way to short to worry....
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