Well, here I sit wondering what to say or blog about. I should write all my ideas down that wind around in my head as I try to fall asleep. My brain never stops. I always tell Jeff it is like a hamster in a wheel always spining around. I always mull over the days events or even past events. I sometimes almost obsess about what you could have said differently. You know we all do that I just do it to an excess. I am very lucky that I do fall asleep pretty easily after awhile.
One thing I keep going back over is what could I have done differently with my life. I can't see what should be any different. The course it took was the right course to prepare me for the rest of my life. I think with everything that has happened in my life I should write a book. I always say that but isn't it true everyone has their fair share of things. Had I gone on to college after high school would I have not gotten married so young at 19? If I had done that, I would have never lived 3 years in Japan. I would have never known my ex husband. Who always was not so bad. He and I just changed and went on different paths. So since I didn't go to college, I got married and moved away. When we returned to the states, since he was in the Air Force, that brought us to Whiteman Air Force Base in Missouri. I would have never came here on my own and frankly I wouldn't be as happy as I am today. I would have never met Jeff. If his first wife didn't make him get off active duty and return to Missouri we would have never met. Our lives have been on similar courses for years. If my heart had not been broken so badly by an ex boyfriend prior to meeting Jeff, I would have never gone online to date...that is just not something I would do. I just figured what the hell, all the ones I met in bars and at my job turned out to be duds and I didn't know them either just like online so there was no difference. I decided that I could do better and I did. Not once since meeting Jeff have I ever looked back and missed my old life. I feel as if that was someone else's life. Of course I have memories that will last forever but that is just what they are, memories. What I have is real. One thing we have always agreed on as a couple is that we don't keep anything from each other. I knew going into my relationship with Jeff that he and his ex were just separated. He told me that upfront. His divorce came very quick and we have been together ever since. We told each other the truth and that is what keeps us going today. I know at the end of the day he has got my back and I have his. You could do just about anything but if you lie to me you better hope it was worth it. lol
Those of you that know me well know that is the truth.
Tomorrow we will have been married for 9 years and in July we will have been together 10 years. The day he proposed he asked me if I really wanted this and he held the little box up while we sat at the light in Sedalia. I said yes, I do. Why? I responded because being with you is the only thing in my life that makes sense or has ever made since. Not sure why we waited 3 months to get engaged and 7 months more to get married. I should have married him right away and what would he say to all that....DITTO my love...Ditto!
Thursday, May 10, 2012
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Disability - Yeah, RIGHT!
I thought by being open and telling my story here and on Facebook dealing with MS would help someone. Well, it has helped me and that is all that matters but it seems to some who have read my blog that I am looking and setting myself up to take disability! Really, people get over yourselves! You think you know everything? Well, there is something freeing about that unfriending button on Facebook...Anyway, I work everyday despite what I feel on a daily basis. If any one reading this would like to walk a day in my shoes please feel free.
Ok I wrote that on a very angry day where I was told by a friend that other people we knew were saying those things. I have since deleted them on Facebook and that felt good. It took me a few days to get back into blogging. People can just take the wind out of your sails.
I have been on my MS drug or my DMD (disease modifying drug) for almost 28 days. I just ordered next 28 day supply. My dosage went up last week and with the new box it will go up again. So far so good no real issues. I feel slightly better even though it isn't designed to help or cure my symptoms. It just slows everything down. I also went on a new drug last week for my fatigue. My neuro said it helps most people with MS. So far it has helped me a great deal. I don't feel like sleeping every minute of the day and that is a plus. I get up more easily and seem to nap less. Although the first day I took it I slept in my office during my lunch hour. I am on my lunch hour now and don't feel like laying down...lol
I feel a slight cold coming on and that concerns me since illness and fever can bring on a relapse. I told Jeff this morning on the drive in, despite the pain and numbness I am feeling more like the old me...the like 10 years ago me. That felt good to say. We now drive in together now since his office moved over to the KS side of the KC Metro area, which helps our gas bill as well as gives me less stress...I do miss driving though. Until I met Jeff I drove every where....I drove my ex husband and ex boyfriend around all the time. I got used to that so sometimes I say let me drive...he says no as usual. LOL
So we got into a fender bender yesterday coming into work. We were rearended by a lady in her son's car. It seemed so fishy and I am glad Jeff called the police right away. She wanted or should I said begged Jeff to drive away before the police got there. Her son pleaded on the phone saying he would pay for it. I am so glad he stood his ground. She ended up with 2 tickets and I am sure her son's insurance won't be impressed with this at all. We are letting our insurance handle it and then they can go after their insurance later. So who knows when the Explorer will be done. I am afraid since it is so old they may say no fix, and give us its value which is the value they perceive. We percieve its value to be much higher since the dang thing is paid for and we don't want to have to replace it with a car that we would need a car payment to get...That old Explorer has seen alot. Traveling cross country several times...bringing Jeff home to me every weekend when he got back from deployment and was in Medical Hold in 2 states...as well as bringing him home on down times before deployment. It brought us through the worse ice storm either of us had ever seen when coming home after Mama's passing in January of 2007. It got us home from Vegas many many times. It also carried our girl Sandy home for the first time. What a good dog she was. Miss her every day. Losing her, Mouse and Minnie nearly killed me. I know pets get old and must leave us but why does it have to hurt so much.
On to other things. My brother was in the hospital. My sister in law called me and kept me informed. I talked to him in the hospital which eased my mind immensely. I can not describe what it felt like to have your sibling in the hospital and there was nothing I could do because I was here and he was there. Losing my brother is not something I ever want to face til we are old and gray in a nursing home, giving each other hell. That is our ongoing joke...we will be in a nursing home together and he will say remember that time, a few years after mama passed and we were getting rid of her things and we found her teeth...LOL I was as scared as I ever was, just knew the old woman left it there to scare us...LOL no she didn't but I am sure she tries to haunt us whenever she gets the chance.
Anyway, many people don't know that me and my brother are close you don't always see it or hear it but he has done so much for me when I was growing up. See our parents were sick alot. We got used to that. Mama especially and when she would come home after being in the hospital for a long time it fell to me and brother to keep things running until she was back up and running. We did this even before she went into the hospital and during her stay. Her stays were pretty long and you never got the exact same version of mama back as you saw going in the hospital. I learned to run the phones for the business when I was not in school and learned everything about that. I did his book keeping from a very young age and took all calls when I was home. I learned to read maps and how to talk to customers. Junior went and helped on the truck. It was a family affair and it is and was what kept our family afloat. Together we did it. During this time I didn't get to do much cause I had to answer the phones especially if mama worked during the summer. When I was a pre teen Junior took me everywhere. He was working and either in high school or just got out. We were always together. I wouldn't have gotten out if it were not for him. We got kicked out of the house one time together cause I spoke up to Daddy and he kicked us out...we went back of course...Daddy was glad to see it. I think we may have called his bluff. Thing was where was I going to go? Same for him. I though oh I could stay at my boyfriend's house he shared with a bunch of guys oh yeah that would have been good.
Anyway, my hour is just about up...I will close this blog with this....If you never learn one thing in life, learn that you can do anything, be anything and most of all...No matter what happens it all will be ok.
Ok I wrote that on a very angry day where I was told by a friend that other people we knew were saying those things. I have since deleted them on Facebook and that felt good. It took me a few days to get back into blogging. People can just take the wind out of your sails.
I have been on my MS drug or my DMD (disease modifying drug) for almost 28 days. I just ordered next 28 day supply. My dosage went up last week and with the new box it will go up again. So far so good no real issues. I feel slightly better even though it isn't designed to help or cure my symptoms. It just slows everything down. I also went on a new drug last week for my fatigue. My neuro said it helps most people with MS. So far it has helped me a great deal. I don't feel like sleeping every minute of the day and that is a plus. I get up more easily and seem to nap less. Although the first day I took it I slept in my office during my lunch hour. I am on my lunch hour now and don't feel like laying down...lol
I feel a slight cold coming on and that concerns me since illness and fever can bring on a relapse. I told Jeff this morning on the drive in, despite the pain and numbness I am feeling more like the old me...the like 10 years ago me. That felt good to say. We now drive in together now since his office moved over to the KS side of the KC Metro area, which helps our gas bill as well as gives me less stress...I do miss driving though. Until I met Jeff I drove every where....I drove my ex husband and ex boyfriend around all the time. I got used to that so sometimes I say let me drive...he says no as usual. LOL
So we got into a fender bender yesterday coming into work. We were rearended by a lady in her son's car. It seemed so fishy and I am glad Jeff called the police right away. She wanted or should I said begged Jeff to drive away before the police got there. Her son pleaded on the phone saying he would pay for it. I am so glad he stood his ground. She ended up with 2 tickets and I am sure her son's insurance won't be impressed with this at all. We are letting our insurance handle it and then they can go after their insurance later. So who knows when the Explorer will be done. I am afraid since it is so old they may say no fix, and give us its value which is the value they perceive. We percieve its value to be much higher since the dang thing is paid for and we don't want to have to replace it with a car that we would need a car payment to get...That old Explorer has seen alot. Traveling cross country several times...bringing Jeff home to me every weekend when he got back from deployment and was in Medical Hold in 2 states...as well as bringing him home on down times before deployment. It brought us through the worse ice storm either of us had ever seen when coming home after Mama's passing in January of 2007. It got us home from Vegas many many times. It also carried our girl Sandy home for the first time. What a good dog she was. Miss her every day. Losing her, Mouse and Minnie nearly killed me. I know pets get old and must leave us but why does it have to hurt so much.
On to other things. My brother was in the hospital. My sister in law called me and kept me informed. I talked to him in the hospital which eased my mind immensely. I can not describe what it felt like to have your sibling in the hospital and there was nothing I could do because I was here and he was there. Losing my brother is not something I ever want to face til we are old and gray in a nursing home, giving each other hell. That is our ongoing joke...we will be in a nursing home together and he will say remember that time, a few years after mama passed and we were getting rid of her things and we found her teeth...LOL I was as scared as I ever was, just knew the old woman left it there to scare us...LOL no she didn't but I am sure she tries to haunt us whenever she gets the chance.
Anyway, many people don't know that me and my brother are close you don't always see it or hear it but he has done so much for me when I was growing up. See our parents were sick alot. We got used to that. Mama especially and when she would come home after being in the hospital for a long time it fell to me and brother to keep things running until she was back up and running. We did this even before she went into the hospital and during her stay. Her stays were pretty long and you never got the exact same version of mama back as you saw going in the hospital. I learned to run the phones for the business when I was not in school and learned everything about that. I did his book keeping from a very young age and took all calls when I was home. I learned to read maps and how to talk to customers. Junior went and helped on the truck. It was a family affair and it is and was what kept our family afloat. Together we did it. During this time I didn't get to do much cause I had to answer the phones especially if mama worked during the summer. When I was a pre teen Junior took me everywhere. He was working and either in high school or just got out. We were always together. I wouldn't have gotten out if it were not for him. We got kicked out of the house one time together cause I spoke up to Daddy and he kicked us out...we went back of course...Daddy was glad to see it. I think we may have called his bluff. Thing was where was I going to go? Same for him. I though oh I could stay at my boyfriend's house he shared with a bunch of guys oh yeah that would have been good.
Anyway, my hour is just about up...I will close this blog with this....If you never learn one thing in life, learn that you can do anything, be anything and most of all...No matter what happens it all will be ok.
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